A top secret EU plan has fallen into my sticky hands.

Once the UK activates the Brexit process the following will occur.

1. The channel tunnel will be blocked with stale croissants.

2. All cross channel ferries will be sailed into the middle of the English Channel and sunk.

3. A giant water slide will be constructed stretching from Calais to just short of Doveu, UK, Brexit, cultural purgeeueuer. This will be called the EU migrant disposal system.

4. The EU, having decided to prevent further internal dissent, will build a new Atlantic Wall stretching from Scandinavia to the Rock of Gibraltar. It will be manned with members of the new EU Grande Army.

5. Fearful that the UK might actually prosper without the EU, and fearing that this could encourage others to follow the UK’s lead, a blockade will be put in place to prevent commercial shipping from reaching perfidious Albion. In addition, no flights will be allowed in or out of UK airspace.

6. All EU states will be barred from trading with the UK and all countries who trade with the EU will be “encouraged” to do likewise. For reasons already alluded to, the EU must punish the UK and it’s traitorous population.

7. Democracy is the biggest threat to the EU’s drive for every closer integration. It cannot be allowed to wreck this holy aim. Therefore, henceforth: Once the UK initiates the foul filth that is their departure from the EU Superstate (super by name and super by nature) the EU will require all referendums and elections to be approved by a new arm of the EU. This arm, the EU Democractic Process Approvals Committee, will be tasked with ensuring that all such events result in outcomes that are always beneficial to the EU.

8. The Cultural Purge. It is obvious that there is something rotten in the heart of UK culture. The people of the UK must be collectively mentally ill to desire something so perverted as freedom from benign EU rule. Thus, to protect our remaining citizenry from potential infection, we must cleanse the EU of any UK cultural contamination. All UK based authors, philosophers, musicians, scientists and politicians will be banned and ejected from sacred EU soil. All UK based or originating media will be expunged from the pristine soul of the EU people. Within weeks of the start of the Brexit process there will be no hint anywhere in the EU that a nation called the UK ever existed.

9. UK citizens residing on sacred EU soil will be rounded up and placed in special holding camps before they are forcibly deported to the stinking island which we will not name. The property of these ambulatory blights on EU soil will be confiscated and sold. The proceeds to be donated to those countries, outside the EU, who bravely side with the EU against the denizens of the rainy isles of despair.

10. The EU will campaign vigorously to have the nation we cannot name declared an international pariah. We will cast so many accusations of criminal activity, support for terrorism, money laundering, bad food and hideous fashions at the loathsome islanders that some will inevitably stick. We will ceaselessly strive to have these whining scum kicked out of every international organization in the world, from the UN to the Tufty club.

The population of the Islands of Madness will eventually be driven back into the arms of the benevolent and merciful EU. Begging the EU to take them back while kneeling before their masters.

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