I’m forced to acknowledge that my knowledge of “yoof” culture has never been very good, even when I was young. But last night I was “treated” to a valuable lesson in current “yoof” culture for which I am truly grateful.

About 23:30 I noticed that the amount of noise emanating from the road outside my home was rather more than usual. A brief twitch of the curtains furnished me with the reason. A group of “yoof”, seemingly having been turfed out of someone’s nearby abode, were continuing their party on the pavement adjacent to the A161 in Epworth.

The group of “yoof”, who did seem to have recently imbibed no small measure of intoxicating beverages, proceeded to inform the entire neighbourhood of their desire to “f#@k the police”. I must say that I was surprised that the “yoofs” were so interested in amorous activities with members of Her Majesty’s constabulary. Such sweet sentiments voiced so passionately.

The neighbourhood was also treated to repeated renditions of that old and well loved favourite “We’re not scared of the police”. Sung with, perhaps, more gusto than skill. I find it admirable that the “yoof” of today feel the need to publicly declare their lack of animosity towards those public servants tasked with the difficult job of ensuring public safety. It was truly a heart warming moment which brought just a few tears to my scarred and weather worn cheeks.

There was, of course, some chants mentioning raping a person whose name was too garbled to recount and the fact that someone’s car was less than admirable. A fact I noted just in case I were ever needing to buy a used vehicle from them.

All that was left of the evening was an impromptu karaoke party with music supplied by DJ Car Stereo. Somehow, I don’t think any of the singers will be winning Britain’s Got Talent any time soon.

I retired to bed with my customary mug of tepid horlicks, a collection of random numbers to read (500 pages of 10 digit random numbers printed across 5 columns a page) and offering up my heartfelt thanks to the gentle soul who invented double glazing.

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