Trillary Clump for President!

U.S. Presidential flag
U.S. Presidential flag (Attribution: Zscout370 at English Wikipedia)

I view the human race as my personal entertainment system and the current US presidential contest has really delivered on that front.

Here are my highlights so far.

1. The way both sides have been trying to make out that their candidate cares about you and your needs. What a pile of mouldering moose dung! They will lie, cheat, obfuscate and bluster until their lungs collapse just so you, the “dear sheeple”, will believe what they say. All politicians are in it for THEMSELVES. They are there to grab as much booty as they can and to Hell with you and your snivelling little lives.

I’ve even heard radio interviews with the “dear sheeple” who talk as if a candidate is dedicated to the fulfilment of their personal desires. Talk about barking madness.

2. Hillary’s emails. This is like working with someone who has personal hygiene issues. The stench never seems to quite go away. Just when you think the fishy odour has finally left your nostrils, it suddenly reappears.

Did Hillary use insecure communications methods during her tenure as Secretary of State? Probably. Some of the news items seem to indicate that Hillary is less than comfortable with technology. There’s even claims her maid had to hard-copy emails for her to read. Think about it. A person who aspires to have her finger on the nuclear button expects her maid/housekeeper/gardener/personal psychic nutritionist to handle top secret communications? Wow, I’d sleep better at night if the leader of the free world had their sensitive information delivered by an FSB courier. (For those of you who don’t know who the FSB is…it’s the current name of the Russian secret service. Just think KGB.) 

3. Watching the way certain people, usually those with some sort of celebrity status, have been burbling on about the end of the world if one candidate wins rather than another. Admittedly, Hillary seems to have the lead on this. I think she’s been endorsed by everyone who has even the vaguest connection with Hollywood or the media. Trump’s lack of celebrity endorsements might hurt his campaign but he makes up for it with his amazing hair (Newzoids deliciously depicted it as a cat). That and his ability to generate news headlines with off the cuff remarks about groping women.

4. Trumpland by Michael Moore – a tour de force of propaganda that left the viewer in no doubt as to who they should vote for (it was Hillary if you haven’t seen it). Compare that with Mr Moore’s anti Hillary rhetoric during the primaries and you’re left with an immensely amusing example of hypocrisy.

I suppose Mr Moore sees the current situation as a choice between the lesser of two devils. Or he’s prejudiced against people with orange skin and a wig made from a live cat. 

I have to admit that Mr Moore’s film/programme/propaganda coup was well worth watching (I recommend it) even if the pro Hillary Clinton message sometimes reached Level Nauseating at times. 

5. The news media. I know that the newsies are always on the lookout for content so this Presidential Election must be like having Christmas, Halloween and Easter all coming along at once. The coverage has ranged from mediocre to excellent but nearly all of it has been amusing. This very morning I listened to LBC as they asked deep and meaningful questions about ex-president Bill Clinton’s taste in pizzas. Apparently, I haven’t been able to verify this titbit of mind blowing information, Bill likes vegetarian pizza! Woof!

The pundits have emerged from the woodwork and have voiced opinions on every possible facet of this presidential race. They’ve addressed issues like “Is Hillary fit enough to be President?” and “Donald Trump, is he a complete c^&t or what?”. Anyone who has ever seen a picture of Trillary Clump is encouraged to vomit forth endless rivers of opinion in the hope that the masses will watch and pay attention to the sponsors’ advertising.

I’m waiting for someone to interview Paddington Bear (Other bears are available) for his opinion. I can hear him now, “What will Hillary or Trump do about the world marmalade shortage?” and “Why does nobody mention the other Presidential candidates?”.

6. Rehashing old scandals. Politics and business have a number of things in common but one of the best, from my point of view, is the opportunity for scandal. Trillary Clump are both splattered with plenty of noisome material. Dodgy property deals (allegedly), emails (allegedly), accusations of sexual impropriety (take your pick)(allegedly), trousering cash from dubious sources (allegedly), cash for access (allegedly), moral turpitude (allegedly), having people killed/beaten/Chinese burned/wedgied (allegedly) and so much more.

It’s like an all you can eat corruption buffet. You get to pick and choose amongst the various allegations and mud slinging dishes. For example, you can choose between Trump and his sleazy (allegedly) property deals or Clinton’s access for cash (allegedly) programme. You can dig back into the mists of time and drag up old accusations about something called Whitewater. Or you could even try a bit of Lewinsky, although that might be a tad too hot for some people. Of course we can’t miss out Mr Trump’s alleged connections with Vladmir Putin. Borscht anyone?

7. Segregation. Oops, me bad. I shouldn’t be talking about this one but it is so delicious. Many commentators have been saying that this Presidential Election is the most divisive in American history. (They’ve been saying something similar about the Brexit vote as well, naughty). But that’s the nature of democracy. Various groups think they know what’s best for everyone else. Each group disagrees, sometimes violently, with all or some of the others. They’ll accuse the others of being traitors, idiots, bigots, morons etc. Hey, it’s just like religions. And just like religions, the fervour and passion overrides common sense and rational thought. This leads to segregation based on political views. Married couples, friends and even social media buddies split up in acrimony. Signs get stolen. Hats are knocked off. T-Shirts incite hate and violence. Woof! Society shatters into a thousand splinters, each of them bitterly striking out at the others.

And you know what? That’s how it’s always been. The US, and the UK for that matter, has never been some sort of mythical “we’re-all-in-this-together” utopia. Politics, religion, sport, food, location, skin colour and music have all conspired to keep people apart. Segregating themselves from those with whom they disagree. This isn’t new or uniquely an American issue BUT it does make for dramatic TV.

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So there you have it. Why these truly interesting times are so wonderfully entertaining. Plus, once the election itself is over we will be treated to recriminations, accusations of vote rigging and more wonderful conflict. All for my own entertainment.

I can’t wait!

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